And I start it all over again

All I wish now is to forget every single thing that had ever happened, be it good or bad. I choose to be happy. I choose to be positive. I choose to stop blaming myself. I choose to start anew. Start fresh. Like I just walked out from a hot shower. Nyamannnnnnn!

Have I been crying? Yes, I have. I did.
Have I been smiling? Fuck yeah! Everyday.

Take my heart as you're leaving. I don't need it anymore.

I'll try...

Disconnected

So... It's a stop button.

After a year, love faded, a rush to ER changed everything. And here I am, going through another phase of painful process.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I love, if it was only from one side, it would never be enough. I am so worthless and unlovable. 

The once sweet memories are now so painful to bear. Cannot be reconnected or modified, all I can and must do is to forget them. Like it had never happened before.

We were friends, we were lovers, now we are just strangers.

And I still have his Valentine's gift with me. Yet to be given. Will never reach him...

Happy Songkran!~ What a day to be dumped... HAHA!

Play Pause and ...

Resume?

Play Pause Stop?

ไม่ว่าจะเกิดอะไรขึ้น เขาจะตัดสินใจอย่างไรก็ตาม เราก็ต้องรับให้ได้

แม้ยังไม่พร้อมที่จะเสียเธอไป แม้มันจะเจ็บแทบขาดใจ

หากเราจะยื้อจะรั้ง ถ้าคนเขาไม่รัก มันก็จะทรมานเขาเปล่าๆ

ถึงแม้ว่าเราจะเจ็บ อย่างไรชีวิตก็ต้องเดินต่อไป และเขาคงจะได้โล่งอก

ทำไมฉันถึงรักเขามากขนาดนี้

แล้วทำไมเขาถึงไม่รักฉันเลย

After the love has gone

"Only fools carry on..." 

My birthday and also the month of love. Coincidentally, it was a long weekend for my bro-in-law, so we went down south for vacation.

Made an appointment to meet up and watch movie together before I flew back to the north. He came days earlier. Came to give me my birthday gift. No movie as planned. Left after an hour. It was cold. Didn't bother to look at me. Well...

Yes, I am a fool.

ใจหนึ่งก็รัก อีกใจหนึ่งก็เจ็บ
เจ็บที่ยังรักเธอข้างเดียวอยู่ร่ำไป 
ใจหนึ่งก็คิดจะเดินไปให้ไกล 
แต่อีกใจยังไม่กล้าพอ 
เพราะรู้ว่ายังขาดเธอไม่ได้

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a positive note, thank you for the gift and time, especially the time. Love you much.

Day 22

Be with the person that you love.

And he loves you too.

ตบมือข้างเดียวมันดังไม่ได้หรอก

Life can do terrible things

So, he called. But not talking.

I texted him. He replied. Asking how was I. I gave him the standard answer.

"I'm fine, thank you. How r u?"

When all I wanted to say was, "No, I'm not. This is so hard. It's killing me. I'm willing to wait because I love you, because I want this to work. I have to wait... It's like a criminal waiting to hear the verdict. The crime for loving you to much. For caring too much, it's deemed as annoying, suffocating you." "When what we should do is to talk about it, to discuss, to communicate, to share. Instead of saying you are tired and not in the mood to talk and leaving a half ticking bomb at the end of the conversations every freaking time."

So, how r u? You replied "I am great!" With an exclamation mark.

Well, great.

"So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If you're given the choice, then I beg you to choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.

Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things"

Mayday Parade