She was a nutjob. Ever since she found out about her father infidelity, her life was never the same. It hit her hard, it hit her to the core.
She was never good in expressing herself. Among her friends, she was the joker. She was the happy one. The one with no worries. Happy-go-lucky was the descriptive word for her.
In her late teen, she would go out with the group of friends that her parents would rather her not to. Going out late, coming home early. Early in the morning. Someday, she would just hide in her room and cry all day. She would lock herself up and wander in her own thoughts. Someday it was easy, someday it got harder all she would play in her mind was about death.
Life had it ups and downs. Sometimes life treated her good, sometimes she felt like life wanted to have its own life back.
Her mother wanted her to seek help. But she refused. The stigma was there. Her grandma was a certified psychiatric patient. She was not ready to join the bandwagon. Her mother was worried. She was half way there herself. After all, it involved her directly, a useless cheating husband and a daughter going down the hill.
There was no other way but to seek help from the superpower. Religion. She prayed, listened to Dhamma talks, read Dhamma books and practiced everything that was thought by Lord Buddha. She found her inner peace. So, she offered her hands to her daughter. Together, they fought the war of mental illness with meditation and Lord Buddha's teachings.
On and off, she would trip and fall, but she always managed to fall back to her mother.
Life was a wheel. Sometimes you would be on the top, sometimes you would hit rock bottom. There she was again, at the bottom of the wheel. This time around she tried to face her fears. She tried to seek help. But what she got back was her husband asking her to stop pretending being insane.
Maybe one day when he read this. And she was gone. Maybe then he would understand that mental illness was not something people act on to earn an Oscar. Maybe he would think that he could be the help that she was seeking. Maybe he would understand. Maybe he never would.
